(For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since
From “For Malaysian gays, hope for a better tomorrow” by Pang Khee Teik,
the True Malaysian Story No. 3 taken from Fridae.com, is a testimony of
Pang of how he tried and be active in Church as a way for God to hear
his desperate cry in his struggle with being gay. He talks of his time
with Church of Our Saviour/Choices and finally after 12 years of denial
coming to a stage to stop living a lie and live an authentic life,
authentic to others and to Himself as who God has created him as. It is
a call for Gay Christians not to live our lives in somebody else shoes,
to live a life according to what others mistakenly call as sin. It is a
mistake for them, an error in bible interpretation clouded by their own
homophobia, but a life lost for us following endless rainbows with no
He reminds us the seriousness of it all, that gay teenagers have a six
times higher suicide due to the condemnation by society, church, and
family, to be put in a closet and to be denied their innate sexual
orientation. Pang Teik is very brave to stand up for in standing up he
is speaking to the thousands of gay youths that they are OK. It is
message they need to hear and what we do need to preach in our inclusive
churches. For if the mainstream churches talk against it more than we
affirmed it, we have failed the community that God has set us apart for.
The Appeal 3 was so heartfelt, to imagine “teenagers growing up with
such profound loneliness, confusion, fear, guilt, self-hatred …. afraid
we will lose our jobs, our friends, our families. Imagine the cruelty of
being forced to live this way”.
We have lived through such a cruel life, to be crucified in the fears
and religious lies and rhetoric of others, yet
still grounded and affirmed in
the love of Christ that never fails us. It is a molding ground of faith,
having left with nothing – even our very faith and who we are
challenged. Pang tells us that more than 6 times the suicide rates for
gays, perhaps the retention rates for Gays as Christians is far worst.
They are leaving or have left the church in droves.
does one accepts himself/herself. It is to allow God to have His own way
in our lives. He has created us a gay person, and it is not for us to
deny it whether through religious, emotional or intellectual means.
There is a contentment and acceptance of that which is innate coupled by
a trust in God that is deep and certain that God will make the way good
in our lives despite of it all, for God is a good God. God is indeed
doing a miracle through Rev O Young and the new GSMCC church in
Malaysia. The seed is planted. Now it is time for the Word to grow and
we to fan the flames of revival.
It is indeed ironic that those who have gone through anti-gay groups
such as the Church of Our Saviour - Choices are now the greatest
champions of gay rights. God indeed has a good sense of humour.
more likely – Pang Khee Teik
True Malaysian Story No 3:
For 12 years of my life, I stopped myself from falling in love
with men. From the age of 14 till I was 26, I tried to go
straight. I took an active part in church, I led fellowships, I
wrote church musicals. I prayed and fasted and went for church
camps. I sang the loudest during worship - I was so annoying! -
and desperate for God to hear me! Nothing worked.
Now, all of us recall bouts of depression
during our teenage years. For LGBTs, (Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals,
Transgenders) our teen years appear like one long nightmarish
bout from which we never wake. Statistically, we are six times
more likely to kill ourselves than our straight peers.
Trust me, it is that bad, and then some.
Most gays realise we are attracted to the same sex even before
puberty and in our teens, we soon discover we are unlike our
peers. We are also told we are 'freaks', 'criminals',
'monsters', 'sinners', 'abominations' and deserve to be
punished, rejected and beaten up.
We are confused - we didn't choose to feel
this way, and we certainly don't want to be so freakish, but the
feelings won't go away. We believe something might be
fundamentally wrong with us. Frightened of being an outcast, we
conform to social demands. We learn to hide our sexuality,
resigned to a life pretending to be what we are not.
Before we know it, we are adults and it gets
a little harder to stop the act. The game gets more complex, the
web of deception so elaborate we cannot risk breaking one thread
without compromising everything we have worked for.
We marry, we have kids, we get promoted, we
take on a same-sex lover on the side, maybe find a quick relief
with anonymous encounters, a masseur, an escort. Our lives
choreographed between two realities, one in which we please
everyone else, and one in which we please our inner heart. And
we pray that these worlds never collide.
But one day, we get careless and we are
found out. Secrets, lies, guilt, shame. The picture is ugly. It
is a morally unjustifiable scenario, and this is largely the
perception of homosexuality for the rest of the world.
A dirty, shameful affair. Nobody thinks back
to how as children, we were first taught that in order to
survive, it is better to pretend.
Appeal No 3: Imagine what
it is like. Imagine children or teenagers growing up with such
profound loneliness, confusion, fear, guilt, self-hatred.
Imagine living everyday of our lives being afraid we will lose
our jobs, our friends, our families, our homes, our very lives,
should someone find out who we really are. Imagine the cruelty
of being forced to live this way.
Let me love
Then there are those who would rather not
pretend. They try for a cure. At one point, I joined a Christian
support group that promised to help gay men 'recover' from
A few of the men in the group have now
married to women and have children. But they also told me they
never completely got rid of their attraction to men. They just
learned to just suppress it, as they now have a family to think
of. For most of us, the desires don't go away. I don't wish to
end up like them.
After 12 years of long lonely nights, I
asked myself: What is wrong with a man loving another man?
Nobody could give me a satisfactory answer. Is it unnatural? So
are nylon, plastic surgery and antibiotics but there are no laws
against them. Is it uncommon? So is being albino, but they
receive equal rights. Is it sinful? So is living a lie, being a
hypocrite. So I decided for myself that 12 years of misery is
I will not marry a woman and pretend to love
her and shut up my heart. I will not sacrifice the rest of my
life because others are unable to accept my choice for
happiness. If your happiness depends on my unhappiness, then I
will no longer trust your judgment. I will not live my life
according to what someone else thinks is a sin for him.
Appeal No 4:
If my relationship doesn't hurt anyone, doesn't take advantage
of anyone, doesn't deprive someone else of his or her rights,
why does everyone want to take it away from me? If my loving
someone doesn't prevent you from loving who you love, then
please let me love. Nobody is forcing you to be gay, so don't be
forcing me to be straight.
Appeal No 5: So stop
blaming LGBTs for breaking up families with our 'selfish
choices'. What choice? Nobody chooses a life of stigma and
discrimination! And what are we breaking up apart from our
parents' equally selfish expectations?
Parents of previous generations used to
expect children to take on certain approved career choices,
marry spouses of certain ethnicity, give birth to children of
certain sex. Our parents have defied some of these expectations
themselves. Have they forgotten what it was like? Is it not
enough for children to be happy, independent and productive?
Taken From Fridae
"For Malaysian gays, hope for a better tomorrow” by Pang Khee Teik....