Elim Sanctuary

(John 21:3,4 NKJV) Simon Peter said to them, "I am going fishing." They said to him, "We are going with you also." They went out and immediately got into the boat, and that night they caught nothing. (John 21:15 NKJV) So when they had eaten breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Feed My lambs."

This website was created on 30 Sept 2004. Its purpose is simply to say that being Gay and Christian is OK. Sometimes you speak just because you believe something ought to be said that no one is saying.

On Christmas eve, 1998, I was playing guitar alone outside the closed roller shutter doors at a Large Church then located at Payar Lebar. Worshiping God, I was in tears. I was waiting for Cell group friends to celebrate the Christmas countdown. But on this festive occasion, there were just tears as the man sat worshipping God outside the closed church doors.

Many years earlier, I knew that I was gay and was attracted to guys. But sincerely seeking a normal life, I went for relationships with girl friends. Many were good friends but there was never the biological urge. It became good friendships only. Sitting outside, the church doors, it finally dawned onto me that I was getting old and perhaps may never have a family which he so strongly desired.

As I stood playing ‘I love you Lord?’, more tears came streaming down my cheeks. It was difficult to love God. It cost a lot – to have faith. For in a stroke of injustice, I was 5% of the population who is Gay despite not wanting it. There was a slim chance of only 1 in 20. But what ill fate? To be alone, to live in a closet that no one knows. To cry every night for God to take away this torn yet He did not. The sense of loneliness grips my heart. There was no one to turn to. It was Christmas for others for not for me.

That night, as I played and sang ‘What a friend we have in Jesus?’, it was a hope that Jesus was with me for He seems so far away. My friends could rejoice for they are straight, but for me, it marked a life lost, a death of dreams of hopes. There have been many previous dreams. Attending bible college was one of them but that was not completed due to church and work commitments. These were minor deaths. But tonight, my whole life, my dreams to be a blessing for the work of God is no more. I would live and die a quiet life, a wasted life just because I am gay. But tonight, as I worshipped God, there was seemingly a very strong presence of God comforting me.

I knew that with the strong condemnation of homosexuality the church, I must soon leave for the roller shutter doors of the church have shut forever for me. I would leave behind friends, loved ones…. to find himself. … to be alone with God.